Communication Is the Currency of Connection

Article by Colette Pellissier

Originally Published in the Holistic Living Magazine

The journey toward greater consciousness is a sacred one. While it might be marked by
moments of epiphany, the vast majority of the journey is comprised of very ordinary
moments. It’s a beautiful design, really, that teaches us to steep in the holy sacredness of that which is utterly ordinary. “After the ecstasy, the laundry.” – Jack Kornfield

As divine beings having a human experience, one of our primary duties is to translate the promise of higher consciousness into the physical realm. Not just in rare, epiphany moments, but all the time. Every day. We don’t need to look very far, then, to see where the service of our light is needed. If we just pay attention to what is right in front of us, we can come to know our daily life as both our most devoted teacher, and as a skilled sherpa guiding us toward the points of service that are uniquely ours to embrace.

How, then, can we build a more connected and intentional relationship with our lives and our own sacred service?

Remember, we don’t have to look far. Perhaps the most basic unit of connection to our daily lives can be found in our ordinary acts of communication. We’re communicating all day long, in many ways – internally to ourselves, externally to others, verbally, physically, energetically. Pause for a moment to consider how the quality of conversations that you’re having with yourself, with others, and with the forces that guide your life actually affect how connected you feel as your day unfolds.

Communication is the currency of connection. The experience of connection is a higher-frequency state of being.  It’s up there with inspiration, happiness, joy and contentment. Like oil and water, it’s incompatible with lower frequency states such as anger, fear, righteousness, frustration and disappointment. We simply can’t access the place of connection within us when we are occupied by lower-frequency states of being. .

In this way, we can see how connection is an inside job. It might seem on the surface that our experience of connection to other people resides in them – out there – how they conduct themselves, and how receptive they are to us. But the deeper truth is that our experience of connection resides solely inside of us – in our hearts and our minds. If you long for a greater experience of connection, you’ll find that a few proven communication practices can help.

ASSUME POSITIVE INTENT

Our minds love to bridge gaps in information. We make stuff up all of the time. Humans are excellent at creating interpretations. The trouble happens when we are convinced that our interpretations are accurate. They become a filter by which we receive what is going on around us. If the filter is false, though, it means that everything we are taking in is tainted. Try this on for size; if you’re going to make stuff up (which you are), why not make up a story where everyone wins? Where the other person means well, whether you agree with the message or the delivery. Where they care enough about a situation or cause to share their take on it. Where they are entrusting you with an important piece of insight. Notice how this practice shifts your inner state and your capacity to stay present and connected.

CURIOSITY OVER CONCLUSIONS

Seek to understand, rather than agree or disagree. Openness builds connection; judgment depletes it. Even though it is not widely modeled in current times, it is possible to be respectful of points of view that differ from our own. Notice when you might be listening for your own agreement or disagreement, or where you are listening to form your rebuttal…and let all of that go. Show up instead with the intention to witness the other person in front of you, and discover how to gently hold both what they believe and what you believe at the same time. Notice how different your quality of connection within yourself and with the other person can be when you bring a neutral or open focus, rather than a more contracted focus of evaluating, correcting or judging. 

DEVELOP ENERGY MASTERY
At its most fundamental, communication is an energetic exchange. You get to decide the quality of energy that you trade within yourself and with others. It’s far easier to manage our interactions when we have good awareness of our bodies and the energies that move in, through and around us. Think of yourself as an instrument, such as a flute. The notes you sound will be more clear and resonant when your instrument is tuned and well-maintained. Learn how to communicate cleanly by discharging your energy in generative ways.