Article Written by KJ McGlinn
Originally Published in the Holistic Living Magazine
Losing a pet is a profoundly emotional experience that can often be overlooked or minimized by society. Unlike the loss of a human loved one, the grief associated with the death of a pet is often met with misunderstanding. As your Kitty Correspondent, I am often asked for my thoughts on how to know “when it’s time” or how to cope after the loss of a pet. I understand how difficult this
is from my own experience, and do my best to help those facing these decisions and the experience after a pet has passed on.
In my recent episode of “The Cat Conversation” podcast, I asked Dr. Natalie Olden-Stahl with the Integrative Veterinary Clinic, and Jane Rose, founder of the Rose Pet Memorial Center, to join me for an important conversation, “Guidance for Grieving Pet Lovers”. I want to begin by acknowledging to YOU, as I did to our live studio audience at the Smitten Kitten Cat Cafe, that your pain is real, your grief is real, and whether it has been years or it has been a couple of days, what you’re feeling matters. Pets are not just animals; they are family members, companions and confidants. This unique bond creates a specific type of grief that deserves recognition and support.
THE NATURE OF GRIEF IN PET LOSS
Grieving the loss of a pet can be complicated by the nature of the relationship shared. Pets often know us in ways that humans do not; they witness our most vulnerable moments and provide unconditional love. This deep connection can make the loss feel even more profound. Olden-Stahl emphasizes this point, saying “if our pets could talk, the secrets they would tell people. They know more about us than our closest humans.” The grieving process for pet owners can also be nonlinear. Rose highlights the complexity of anticipatory grief, stating that “anticipatory grief is a real thing, and sometimes it’s even worse than grief after you have lost a pet.” This type of grief occurs when pet owners are aware that
their pet is nearing the end of life, leading to a prolonged emotional struggle as they navigate the difficult decisions ahead.
END-OF-LIFE DECISIONS: PREPARING FOR THE INEVITABLE
Making end-of-life decisions for a beloved pet is one of the most challenging aspects of pet ownership. It is essential to have open conversations with your veterinarian about your pet’s health and quality of life. Olden-Stahl suggests using quality-of life scores to help assess your pet’s condition. “There are different types of quality of life scores,” she says. “Ohio State has a really good one that quantifies it.” This tool can help pet owners make informed decisions about their pet’s care that give clarity during a time of intense emotions.
When considering euthanasia, it is crucial to think about what will provide the most comfort for both you and your pet. Discuss options with your veterinarian, including whether you want to be present during the procedure and what happens afterward. Rose advises pet owners to consider their options for aftercare, such as burial or cremation, and to think about how they want to honor their pet’s memory.
One of those resources is the aforementioned special episode, “Guidance for Grieving Pet Lovers” which you can watch or listen to now for free on “The Cat Conversation” podcast. There is a wealth of knowledge, understanding and personal stories from me, my guests and audience members, all with the intention of making sure others experiencing the loss of a pet know they are not alone and there are ways to cope, especially when you have people who understand. I also have a Facebook group that is free to join, where not only do we enjoy getting to know each other’s cats, but also provide support to each other when the time comes to say goodbye. This is another free resource. Just go to facebook.com/groups/kjscatclub.
Embrace your feelings, seek support, and honor the memory of your beloved pet in a way that feels right for you. Remember, your grief is real, and it matters.
Helpful Tips for Coping with Grief
1. ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS: Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions that come with pet loss. It is normal to experience sadness, anger, guilt and even relief. Recognizing these feelings is the first step toward healing.
2. CREATE A MEMORIAL: Honoring your pet’s memory can be a therapeutic way to cope with grief. Consider creating a scrapbook, planting a tree or making a donation to an animal charity in their name.
3. TALK ABOUT IT: Sharing your feelings with friends, family or support groups can help alleviate the burden of grief. Connecting with others who understand your pain can provide comfort and validation.
4. SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP: If your grief feels overwhelming,
consider speaking with a therapist who specializes in pet loss. They can provide guidance and support tailored to your unique situation.
5. UTILIZE RESOURCES: Organizations like the Rose Pet Memorial Center offer resources for grieving pet owners, including memorial services and grief counseling. Rose emphasizes the importance of knowing that “people have the right to grieve for their pets. They have the right to talk about their pets.”